I wish i could recall my memories like they were some tapes or dvds that even time cannot erase.
I can say that I had a happy childhood.There were always gifts awaiting my brother and me at the foot of the Christmas tree,well decorated by my loving mother on the eve.I have been overwhelmed by emotions to the point of forgeting the minor details that can make one's heart smile or even be the motivator when the blackout dawns upon.
Childhood was resumed to playing and fun.Back then,a friend could still be called a friend. Fun was associated with building of kites,picking of sugar canes bare handed and eating them using teeth as knives,watching unexperienced friends swan dive into some type of dam or coming back with fish.Riding bicycles with newly found friends in random sugar cane field road tracks with no idea of where it would lead us to.Getting burnt by the sun and having blood oozing from one's nose resulting from prolonged exposure to sunlight.This was THE life.Adventurous at heart,we would walk towards the quietude of a lake and explore its surroundings and one day i remember seeing naked women taking their bath in a river.The laughters and smile they had were not similar to those of being upset or angry but it was a funny expression.We just continued our way.
I might have suffered memory loss but some things seem to come on and off.I have to recall,I must recall.
Amongst some other memories were the 'drive' for football.I am not a football fan and always despise that sport apart from the pleasures of playing it just for fun.I recall only two 'main' matches....one which ended at 8pm and where I nearly 'slept outside' as punishment of returning home late.There were no mobile phones at that time and what could a 7 year old do if the football playground is 2hours walk and in the middle of sugar cane fields? I had to wait for the elders to pack up so as to be accompanied.My dislike for football grew since very young.I didnt find any pleasure in supporting a particular team.I was always the goal keeper of any football team my neighbourhood friends would constitute.And instead of scoring,I'd become the net.
My self-esteem was crushed since very young and I blame my primary teacher for that.I still remember her looks whenever I had done something innappropriate in terms of wrongly answering questions.It began by comparing me to my elder brother,then sarcastic remarks and complete disregard to what we were at that time.Kids.Kids whose parents were working hard and who have left their projeny in the hands of someone who can potentially cause damage to a child,someone who knows nothing of the exterior world.And at the age of 13, I started flirting with suicide.I was in the darkest moods ever and wondered how I managed to survive this on my own without any one.Self esteem is very crucial.Its like the water which keeps the flower alive,especially when it has just bloomed.Replacing the water everytime would be renewal of life blood.
I don't remember crying whenever school days gave me no reason to smile.But at second thought,I kept everything inside.
To be continued......
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Desir desir
Je caresse le reve de suivre des cours d'arts.Mais je ne sais si ce desir va se dissiper car dans ma tete je n'imagine pas ce que cela va etre mais je veux juste etre dans ce merveilleux endroit pour apprendre de nouvelles choses et m'expimer a travers des dessins.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Random thoughts
Blogspot is the coolest stuff around.I express myself better through writing.Its like a catharsis for me.I liberate myself from emotions when i write.My Kodak C813 digital camera's screen is no more.I can take pics but cannot see them.Its funny how things can change.I bought it in 2008 and i still remember that i didnt know anything about digital cameras back then.It was on the occasion of my first rock gig.I bought it on the same day(yes i did).
Didn't know it required memory card and powerful A4 sized battries.Got only seven pics but had a great time.Met a chinese girl(a girl is a girl,so why mention? told you...its a catharsis...every detail would be present) who came for her first gig also.We exchange few words and it was nice to have a talk with someone.Took too much time to ask her for contact details.She left before the concert was over.Nearly lost my voice on this day...singing soad songs acapella.Met some people whom I usually only 'meet' online,we exchanged some words.Met a longtime school buddy,he was bassist in one of the bands playing.I returned home quite satisfied and from this day took pics like crazy...I have 7000 on my pc...800 on a memory card and some 2300 something on another memory card.
It lasted almost two years...everything is epehemeral and I remember salivating(just an expression) on seeing professional cameras in magazines.But at second thought,I once heard that its the cameraman's skills which count not the camera.This might seem contradictory but it depends.
My next target would be the Canon D10 power shot...its waterproof and I have spent whole days to search for reviews and sample pictures of its performance on the net.
My brother has a canon A510 but i don't want to abuse of his kindness even though i got his approval to use the camera.I am quite of a strangeperson.In fact,you can take almost 9years to know me.Refering to a similar happening.I was once told by a teacher after 5years of having been his student,that he didnt know that I had this type of perception(Of course,i won't post my life online)..he had positive mitigated feelings and this day it seemed that there were no barrier between us...
98% of those whom i've met wished to have met me way before the time they 'knew' me.I once had a friend who told me repeatedly 'We should have met earlier'...
I am quite calm as individual but I am no sheep.If something's wrong i won't hesitate to speak about it.I have lots of plans in my head and actually shouldn't be writing these lines.
At a later stage,I will write the things that I have achieved this year...
until then..it feels so good to write...
Didn't know it required memory card and powerful A4 sized battries.Got only seven pics but had a great time.Met a chinese girl(a girl is a girl,so why mention? told you...its a catharsis...every detail would be present) who came for her first gig also.We exchange few words and it was nice to have a talk with someone.Took too much time to ask her for contact details.She left before the concert was over.Nearly lost my voice on this day...singing soad songs acapella.Met some people whom I usually only 'meet' online,we exchanged some words.Met a longtime school buddy,he was bassist in one of the bands playing.I returned home quite satisfied and from this day took pics like crazy...I have 7000 on my pc...800 on a memory card and some 2300 something on another memory card.
It lasted almost two years...everything is epehemeral and I remember salivating(just an expression) on seeing professional cameras in magazines.But at second thought,I once heard that its the cameraman's skills which count not the camera.This might seem contradictory but it depends.
My next target would be the Canon D10 power shot...its waterproof and I have spent whole days to search for reviews and sample pictures of its performance on the net.
My brother has a canon A510 but i don't want to abuse of his kindness even though i got his approval to use the camera.I am quite of a strangeperson.In fact,you can take almost 9years to know me.Refering to a similar happening.I was once told by a teacher after 5years of having been his student,that he didnt know that I had this type of perception(Of course,i won't post my life online)..he had positive mitigated feelings and this day it seemed that there were no barrier between us...
98% of those whom i've met wished to have met me way before the time they 'knew' me.I once had a friend who told me repeatedly 'We should have met earlier'...
I am quite calm as individual but I am no sheep.If something's wrong i won't hesitate to speak about it.I have lots of plans in my head and actually shouldn't be writing these lines.
At a later stage,I will write the things that I have achieved this year...
until then..it feels so good to write...
maybe
i might be the one you've been waiting for
we have just our backs turned against each other
maybe you don't see me
eyes are sometimes blurred by thoughts and visions
maybe its not time
time never stops
and i just wonder
what if one day we face each other
eyes into eyes
would it be similar to the first rays of light
meeting the atmosphere
or river to the sea
meanwhile am holding your hands
in mine
but you don't feel them
but
i feel every of your heartbeats
every breath you take
we have just our backs turned against each other
maybe you don't see me
eyes are sometimes blurred by thoughts and visions
maybe its not time
time never stops
and i just wonder
what if one day we face each other
eyes into eyes
would it be similar to the first rays of light
meeting the atmosphere
or river to the sea
meanwhile am holding your hands
in mine
but you don't feel them
but
i feel every of your heartbeats
every breath you take
penC
celui qui pense ne meurs jamais
car il creer des mondes accessibles qu'a la pensee
celle qui danse envoute et desarme le monde
car la vie coule en elle
celui qui chante prononce des mantras sans qu'il ne le sache
et emerveille les moeurs...
car il creer des mondes accessibles qu'a la pensee
celle qui danse envoute et desarme le monde
car la vie coule en elle
celui qui chante prononce des mantras sans qu'il ne le sache
et emerveille les moeurs...
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